| Wow, I am so discouraged. |
[19 Oct 2007|11:12am] |
It's been a while, huh? ^^; Yeah...I'll try to updagte more.
The reason for the discouraged-ness, is that today is my last day at Progressive. I have no job at this point. I have been searching frantically for a job because I just can't afford to not have one. So I've been going on like places such as monster.com, careerbuilder.com, and tried staying within the Progressive company by applying that way, and all this stuff, and so far nothing. I mean, I have applied like mad, lemme tell you. And I have had a couple people call me back. Problem is, is that it's a job where I'd have to work an 8-5 shift, but I have class inbetween those...Like Mon-Wed I'm at school from 11-1 at the latest, and Tues and Thurs I'm there 11-3:30... so they go from "Yeah, we're interested.." to "yeeeeaaaah....um nevermind."
God, I hate school. It interferes with too many things. And I honestly don't want to work retail, I'm not gonna lie. I've already worked 3 years worth of it at Best Buy, and to come home, constantly have a throbbing headache and then your feet just want to fall off...no. That's not the kind of job for me. But I need something ;_;. I don't know what to do....
And of course because of that, some of my schoolwork has suffered. Tests and then not being able to keep up with my online course because I'm so stuck on what I'm supposed to be doing for a job so I have some sort of income to pay my bills and what not....I just am totally done with school holding me back from the things I want to do. It's really beginning to get on my nerves.
I just wanna draw. That's all. I don't want to do anything else -_-. Screw School for all I care.
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[17 Sep 2007|02:42am] |
Yay~ I made an icon all by myself <3. I know, it's not that impressive, a freaking eye-blink. But I was just wanted a tester. And it's pretty cute of my character, so I'm keeping it. I plan on making more character eljay avatars..and with a lot more animation than that. Would you believe for just this one, it was like...12 frames? wtf? lol. That's a lot of work...so doing something more complex like a sailor attack is going to be INTERESTING. At the very least. In my spare ocopious time....wasn't I supposed to be working on a webcomic? ^^; Oops. Maybe tomorrow. >.>
Anyways, everyone doing ok? I hope so ^^.
Well, in the life of Dawnie, if you didn't already know, but most of you do...I lost my part-time job at the News Herald. -_-. For reasons are beyond me, considering what happened was nowhere near my fault....I just got blamed on because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time...and I was let go via voice mail. SOOOO yeah. No stable part-time job for me. I guess it's a good thing it happened in a way, because I was working third-shift, and like...I dunno, my sleep patterns were so messed up and I can never get up. I've already missed class 3x...-_- because I dun get up until 2:30pm...what crap is that? ><. Anyways, it's only a matter of time until I don't have my Progressive job, and then I'll be officially jobless. But then, if I can get my boss to give me more time to stay, or at least until I get a new job, that would be fantabulous. It's a possiblity, considering he's a cool guy, unlike my other boss >.>. I just really hope I can, because I need to start some serious saving with Cons coming up and what not. And if I wanna wanna do eternals and either A, get another wig, or B, get extensions..I gotta haul ass.....like woa. I need to do more commission work, probably a good idea, considering November is very close to YoumaCon.*sigh*. RAWR.
But I'm so excited for the con, it's just...pure awesome-ness. I can't wait to go and look awesome, thanks to Dianabunny~ <3 But hmm..I'm at a cross-road between wig and extensions. What do you guys think would be better? It would definitely be cheaper for extensions, but i'd imagine Brenda and I would be spending half a day in the room, just getting the darn things on and MY hair to go straight (when it's next to impossible...considering it lasts for like an hour.) I dunno~ *sigh* Okay time for bed, since I *NEED* to get up for class. Goodnight everyone! <3333
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[07 Sep 2007|01:52pm] |
I absolutely adore that avatar. Asch from Tales of the Abyss is full of win XD.
"SHUT UP".
Wow, I seriously have to stop doing that~. Anyways? How are you guys doing? Good, yes? I hope so.
Things are settled down and back to normal, relatively. Still waiting for the day that I stop working at Progressive, for I'm still there, and I thought I was going to be done weeks ago. What teh fook happened? I dunno...I guess extra money helps. Not by much though...I mean, I'm only working one day a week here. Seems kinda pointless, dontcha think? Well, whatever.
School has started, and I hate my professor...since I only have one technically. And he's an ass. And he's the graphic design director of the whole department. It's hotness all in one guy, folks. ARGH. Freaking assmunch.
Okay no more on him, because no one likes him anways X3
Anyways...I have a bad urge to do more cosplay stuff..I mean take pictures. I never have so much fun taking pictures before. I'd like to get all the girls to do it, but schedules are evil. Maybe I can get Diana, Stephiroth, and Jesus? Maybe? Cuz yew LOoooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOve me~? X3 And I know you all are camera whores and LOVE IT. So you can't say no. Muahahaha.
Okies. I'm done. :3
And go visit my webcomic. It needs LOVE
Http://codeblack.comicgenesis.com
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[30 Aug 2007|12:39pm] |
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Well...here's a rough update.
I am doing a little better...Scott and I finally hashed it out (well, I did, anyways.) I've never really yelled at him before, so doing the whole yelling/crying on the phone was a first. We said a few things to each other that I'm not to proud of...I don't think Scott was either. He did say things along the lines of "I don't think I'm attracted to you sexually anymore, but I still like your personality and charm."
And since I heard that, It's just stayed with me and I just can't get it out of my head. I've done so much crying and I've had so much anger that I've become emotionally hollow at this point. I'm tired. Really, tired. After we had a few minutes of yelling, Scott still managed to get in a "I still love you!" And asked me if I wanted him back.
Like a fool, I said yes.
So I suppose we're still together, but I don't know what to think. Not sexually attracted anymore is what's stuck in my head. I asked him about it and he said yes that he still was, so I don't know what to believe anymore. Then he texts me later and asks "Will you still move in with me, marry me, and bare my children?" (wtf, I know.)
How can someone just change their attitude that fast? This just makes my head hurt. I still feel something awkward and I don't know what. A lot of things are nagging on me...but I still love him...What is wrong with me~ -_-
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[29 Aug 2007|03:20pm] |
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To those I haven't talked to in the past few days, I'm sorry...it's just been really bad.
I don't know why... but for some odd reason, Scott broke up with me.
I still don't understand this whole situation. I mean, just the other day, coming home from Brenda's wedding, we were talking about what names for babies we could possibly have, or what kind of wedding we wanted later in life. So now, I'm distraught, and confused, and on top of that, unable to stop crying. His personality just did a 180 degree turn...It's not like I've had a bad enough month with everything else that's been going on...Pulminary embolisms...parent's cars need to be fixed and it's going to cost a lot of money, so they're a little tight this month, my brother is having issues of his own, not to mention my poor dog had to be rushed to the pet hospital because she was having some serious issues. It's just not been the month for me.
I don't know what to do. He acts like this every so often when he gets all moody and takes it out on me. I don't deserve that kind of treatment, but Scott isn't always like that. And for the fact he doesn't know now that he loves me, he wants to try to date other people to find out if the whole thing is real....am I just not worth it anymore? Just because we're far apart? Whatever happened to "I'll wait for you because you're worth it." or "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." .
I just don't understand the situation...and because of it, I can't stop crying, because I am that pathetic. I want this to get better...I can't stand it being like this ;____;
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[23 Aug 2007|11:23am] |
*yawn* Work is boring, so I thought I'd do an update on meh life and what's been going on~ :3.
Scott came and went in a matter of a week n' a half. Kinda depressing, but I've been trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about it. I think I'm getting better with him leaving and stuff. Didn't cry this time ^_^. Wanted to. But didn't. It was good. I don't think I'll ever get used to him leaving. Sucks muchly. But what can you do?
In other news....people suck. I love how they think that myself, Angie, and Haley are just 3 naive girls that have NO idea what's going on around them. Lemme explain. Yesterday, I went with the girls to go find dresses for Brenda's wedding on Sunday (procrastinators, I know). We got a little lost looking for a store, so we asked for directions in a gas station. It really wasn't in the best part of town, and the gas station was filled with black and latino men. Not filling up their car with gas, mind you. So we get our directions, and we are heading back to our cars, and some black guy comes up to us and asks us for a cigarette. We say we don't have any and that we don't smoke, and he's like "Aw, that's terrible! You need a hug!" coming towards ME. Well, better me than Angie and Haley-sama...^^; I really didn't want this hug he was giving but he decided to get into my discomfort zone....And that's when inconspicuously put his hand in my pocket, trying to find something to steal.
Holy crap I wanted to kick his ass right then and there. I would've too, given the opportunity...but I didn't know if he was carrying a gun or a knife on him, so....I dunno. It coulda been bad. Then he tries to get in my car, because the keys were in the lock, because I was just getting ready to get in the car....what the heck was this guy's problem?? He acted all oblivious too, and pretending to act all nice. I'm naive, but not entirely naive ><. Then he goes to angie, while she's in her car and tries to give her a hug through the window, and tried taking her purse....Why the heck didn't I try to kick him in the balls and drive off??? ARGH. Dummy me.
We finally drive off, and we're all miffed...it's hot...muggy. Haley and I were in my car where air conditioning sucks. -_-;. Then we finally get to a mall. We went through the WHOLE mall, and found no dresses. We are the unofficial bridesmaids for Brenda's wedding, and I know finding 3 dresses that were exactly alike, and in all of our dresses were going to be impossible....and we went to a Dillards, asked a lady to help us find some black dresses, and she showed us the fugliest, most Old Lady dress possible. I wanted to die. And they were like $200+. Hell no. I'm not buying a dress I'm only going to wear once that I don't even like for that price. Rawr. lol...They were fugly. And every store was just astronomical in price. Another store we went to, the lady that was helping us just seemed very annoyed with the fact that she HAD to help..and she said she had dresses in our sizes and brought them to us...Yeah, wasn't even in the same ballpark of sizes. What the fuzzy??. And the only ones she did find in our sizes were also ugly. Design, cut....everything. I never felt so discouraged in my life XD.
So we finally went to Fashion Bug to take a shot in the dark, and we found two dresses for each of us, Exactly the same in our sizes. Both of them for $70. Can't beat that in any way, shape, or form. That was a call for using the FF7 Victory theme and posing by the end of the day. XD
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| Mew News: Getting better slowly...:3 |
[03 Aug 2007|09:16pm] |
To everyone that has visited me, supported me, and talked to me about my well-being, many, many thanks to you guys! It means a lot. Especially to Rachel, Megan, Diana, Brenda, Haley, and Bryn-Bryn. You girls just rock. Twice. Three times for good measure :3
I am feeling a bit better....I can breathe better. No more pain on my right side, among other things. Still a bit of an issue walking up stairs too fast, or moving relatively heavy objects. Fufufu. Just got off the lovenox today...thank god. I can't stand needles. Not that anyone can, but I have a severe phobia of them. So for someone who has a phobia of these horrible things, and then being able to stick these bad boys into meh poor tummy, bruising it all up...yeah it sucks.
I've recently had my follow-up since the hospital, and got some blood-work done. Um, I found out that I was at a 3.1, which is good and don't want to go any higher than that. Usually anything that's between a 2.5-3.5 is good. So I have that going for me. But since last night, my legs have just gotten so sore. Almost like a restless leg syndrom thing going on. And it's in the back of both of my legs. I don't notice it so much when I'm moving around, but if I'm sitting, it's a nagging feeling. I'd hate to think it was a traveling clot to my legs...~_~. I am not a big fan of going back to the hospital. I called the On-call Nurse (took 30 min. of my life just to be on-hold...) and they just told me to call the doctor in the morning. WHAT good are you if you can't help me now?? Oi. So now that's another thing I have to worry about. -_- Freaking A.
My Florida trip is still up in the air. I don't know what to do. I mean 3 out of 4 doctors said it was ok. One I'm not so sure about on the yes' and the other one was a motherly doctor for the no. But the horror stories of people with clots on planes I've heard kinda scare me. But I want to go so badly...;_; It means the world to me if I went. But health is a big concern. I don't know what to do. If my mother still had control over me, she wouldn't let me go. But I am 21, she says, so should make the decision myself. FREAKING A, yet again -_-;.
I'm soooo lost. ;_;
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[27 Jul 2007|12:13am] |
*sigh* I can't wait for school to be over with~ -_-; oi...it just sucks the life out of me, I swear. Work isn't anywhere nearly as bad as this. Despite the fact that I am uberly bored at the moment and just want to go home and either doodle or sleep.
Meh, not much to write on.....but I have fun shinies for you all to be amused over for a good 2 minutes of your time. X3
Meh FMP Comic....only thing you need to understand is that Sousuke is uber dense, if you've never seen the show. And something like this did happen...or rather, mentioned, is more like it, just not to Kaname, and if you have yet to see it, go see episode 1. XD
And finally a Dianabunny wallpaper~ My first Code Black wallpaper :3. It was there. I was bored, and so I played in Photoshop and this was the result. It's ok ^^; Not to thrilled over Diana's arms...sowwy ^^;
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| More Ranting...you've been warned. |
[16 Jul 2007|02:25am] |
Does anyone ever feel like their out of place with people you've known for a very long time?
I'm starting to feel that way recently. I don't know, I kinda felt this way before, but I never really thought about it until recently. It's like I'm only there for things of when I'm needed for or whatever, and usually just casted to the side when I'm not needed if anyone wanted to do something. I don't know. Maybe it's this depression thing setting in.....considering I've wasted my whole life away for this summer working like a freaking whore, trying to get by in classes, while normal college students are on their vacation, and while they may have some sort of part-time job, they're doing fun stuff......I have maybe done like 3 fun things going out this entire summer thus far. Maybe everyone thinks I'm that busy..which is relatively true, but I do have time on weekends n' what not....but still...I just...feel so out of place nowadays and being around certain friends/family/whatever just is awkward. And I know I don't talk a lot, only because I feel like...if I do say something, it's going to be something totally retarded and I wish I coulda taken it back in my head...like I wasn't in my right mind or something. I don't know. It's just become more frequent as of late...like the past few years.
Maybe I'm just overanalyzing things...I've just been depressed with not seeing friends and with Scott being gone all the time just tears me apart in having to wait sucha long period of time. I cry so easily now. It's ridiculous. I hate being a crybaby. I mean, come on! I accidentally broke a glass cup earlier today and I felt like I was going to get yelled at by my mother because I know how spaztic she is about these things and then goes off...and she didn't. But I felt the need to cry. What the hell?? Why am I so freaking overly emotional?? I just want a hug from Scott to make it all better.
*sigh* Maybe I just need to get away from everyone for a while...a loooong while would be nice, but reality probably won't allow it. I don't think I ever bounced back from feeling runned down from all the work I usually do...like it's some constant roller coaster. I dunno, whatever.
I hate feeling emo. I want it to go away now, please. >
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[09 Jul 2007|08:31pm] |
Hey, gotta question for all~
Does anyone know where I can find a tutorial on how make Lj Layouts..cuz I wanna make one for mehself...this one I have is so dull~ Rawr. Easy layout tutorials are a big plus! <3
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